What God is doing. Crazy ain’t it?
My wife and I spent a quiet evening away from home. Ran into an old co-worker of mine and spent a good half hour standing around talking to them. We then went for a drive to South Omaha then to Lewisville… Just to drive. Didn’t stop except to use the bathroom. We then came home and went to bed. I just laid there for a bit, and couldn’t sleep… I had a tickle in the back of my head…. So I grabbed my phone, put on Pandora and started playing Galaxy Conquest. So as I am taking planets from Red, Yellow, Blue and Pink, blasting through levels my mind wanders during a FireFlight song…
It dawns on me that God, in His infinite wisdom has been healing the holes in my heart since I became saved. Ex-Girlfriends, Ex-Wife, Relationships, Sins of my past, Old Friendships that had left me hurt and scarred. To be honest, they have been big gaping holes in my heart. Things that were decades old… pains I have had most of my life are being washed away by the blood of Jesus and the Grace of God. He has sent the Holy Spirit to lift me up.
Don’t get me wrong, I have good days and bad days. Sometimes I feel more connected than others. The amazing conversations and fellowship I have with Rev, Chuey, my wife, my kids, Chicken man, and Tank Girl just leave me glowing. I know that I am right where I need to be and all will come in God’s time. Tonight… when I realized all this… the Holy Spirit came to me and I felt the presence of my Lord and Creator. God was in the room and I could have floated out. I was so high on Christ… It… It was amazing. So I sat there… knowing I was supposed to write this down… and not wanting to wake my wife up.
The feelings and experiences I wanted to have all my life, I am finally having through my walk with Christ. Knowing that I am going to be part of something bigger than me… knowing that I was supposed to be doing something else with my life… That is happening. God is taking my life and making it something more than I could have hoped for. I feel the Power of God behind me. I hear the roar in my ears… I can feel God’s breath on me.. I feel the Holy Spirit.
When God heals your heart after a lifetime of hurt, anger, pain, guilt and suffering… There is no doubt: It is the power of the Lord making it such.
I am still a flawed and broken person, but God is making my heart whole and pumping the living water in my soul.
Thank you God,
~The Ascended Dragon
(FYI, it’s after 3AM when I posted this)
Topics: God, Healing, Jesus, Pondering, The "Past", The Holy Spirit | No Comments »
Interwebs and Dragons
As you can see, there is something different about my blog. I have moved away from Drupal and have gone with WordPress. I have then taken the old posts and ported them over to this blog. I’m happier with word press.
I think that’s why I haven’t posted anything in a while. I just hated the Drupal interface. There is a lot more to come… Lots on my plate that I have to get off my chest. Look out for the fun.
Love,
<insert dragon here>
Topics: Blog Technicals, Pondering | No Comments »
Kinda down today…
Obi said something today that kind of threw me for a loop. “The Black Sage is dead.” I’m not sure how I feel about that. I mean.. The Black Sage persona could have died along with me… I… I don’t know how to feel about it. It’s like morning the loss of a friend I guess. The Black Sage persona has protected me, it has been my outlet, it has been my sa… God is jealous of things taking me away from him. Any substitute for him is bad. God protects me. God is my outlet. God is my safe place.
So I submit to you Lord: My shell of a persona. It is empty, it is dead. Will it be reborn or does it die? I pray to you Lord, I can’t make this choice by myself. It is going to require some rework…. I am going to have to change a ton of email addresses…. But I open myself to you Lord. I surrender The Black Sage persona to you.
Since Obi said that, I have been grinding my teeth. My mood has spiraled and now I am sitting here dumbfounded. I am trying to humble myself to be honest about my feelings regarding this. The thing is… What does God want me to do?
I have to say… The illustration that Mr. Pastor Guy gave this weekend were spot on. Left me thinking on things…. Big things. My old life following me in death… It was comfortable then with who I was… I didn’t realize that I was holding onto this so tightly.
It’s making me analyze myself deeply. I’m not comfortable with it. As I have said time and time again… I grow the most when I am out of my comfort Zone.
Dear God, please help me find the areas in my life that I need to let go of. Areas of life that are MY will… that drag me back toward death. Please show me the difference between your will and mine.
In the mighty name of Jesus, Amen…
~The Knight who formerly said “Ni!”
Topics: God, Jesus, Obi and Brutal, Pondering, The Holy Spirit | No Comments »
Deconstructing Dragons
Come to find out yesterday, that for many years I have been hiding behind personas.
When I was afraid, or troubled, it was one, when I was catting around it was another, when I was a Pagan it was something else. For at least the past 9 years, I have hidden. My wife has seen the real me, a few of my friends have seen the real me, but for the most part… I stay rather shielded. I feel safe when I’m at church and can be me… (please understand as I am writing this, I am analyzing myself… so it may seem a bit spotty) I guess Pastor Old School, Pastor C++, and Chuey have seen the real me. I have done my best to drop all walls when I step into that place. I haven’t had much contact with Mr. Pastor Guy, since EVERYONE tries to get to him and he’s so sought after.
I didn’t expect Obi’s words to sting as they did… Not only that… to fester in me and totally hurt me. It broke me… or at least I felt broken. It was God healing me… It was God taking care of my emotional needs, healing my emotional wounds and working to make me whole. As you know, sometimes, to make something better, you have to reinjure it or sometimes it will itch as it heals. Broken bones, burns… they suck until they are better. Same things with emotional scars… but honestly, God has graced me with an easy procedure. When that was revealed to me, it crushed me. Funny thing though? Just the other day, I prayed for God to reveal my path.. reveal what I am supposed to do… and as such.. Shed light on the things I don’t see… Well, God did that for me in a big way and is comforting me as I work through it.
We have an awesome God.
~The Dude who was formerly the black sage.
Topics: Git'r Done, God, Prayer, The Black Sage | No Comments »
GOOOOOOOOAL!!!!!!
Ok, perhaps the actuall post is probably not going to be as enthusiastic as I had hoped. My friend.. uhh… She needs a name “PhotoBaby” has tasked me to write down my goals. In Men’s group “Sarge” said we needed to get things down on paper and put the blood of Jesus on it to reveal where it was supposed to go. Truth be told. I don’t have a plan, a map, or even a direction. I have list of things I want to do… so I guess those are my goals.
I am going to try to use my amazing Professor Google skills to search for how to do lists in HTML.
Here goes…
My List of things I want to do:
Wait…. I have 2 lists. The first list, the most important list is what I feel that I am called to do. The second list is what I want to do. The second list takes a back seat to the first. Oh no… now there’s a 3rd list… It has to intermingle with the first list… OK… well, we’ll see if I can pull this off.
This is the list of what I feel that I am called to do (mixed with the things I have to do. There is no order of importance.
- Be in closer communion with God
- Leadership
- Music
- Fix my finances
- Mortgage
- Student Loans
- Car Loans
- Bills
- Ministry
- Mission Work
- Increasing the gifting I can give to the church and others
- Spend more time with the family
These are the things I want for myself and my family:
- Go back to school
- Pay for the kids schooling
- Truck
- Gaming
- Weight Loss
- Win Lottery
- Fixed or new X-Box
There. Those are my lists.
Topics: "The Call", Goals, Munny | No Comments »
OK Mr. Pastor Guy
Funny that my entry the other day centered around not getting any headway. I have things that I hold on to… I have made it about me even though I just wanted to do it for him. Instead I am going to need to admit that there isn’t anything I have control over. God has the control and dominion over all. I am powerless to change things. So for this, I submit it all to God. Through the blood of Jesus all is revealed, washed clean, and all things are possible.
Topics: Git'r Done, Jesus, Pondering | No Comments »
A Dragon’s Conundrum
Well,
I have installed a new Content Management tool that has a blog feature. I want to try it out. So here goes.
I have been trying to get something rolling with trying to get my goals organized and gain some sort of forward momentum. I feel like every time I take a stepped forward, I get yanked back. So I try and do something else and get yanked back… So I have started everything at once again and am getting nowhere. I am like a starfish with no arms. Wanting to go everywhere and having no way to get there. I just have these nubs where my arms should be. All I can do is crawl around in circles.
I have to break that cycle.
Even if I am the tortoise, I have to go at record slow pace, I have to make progress. So I am trying all be it slowly to get somewhere. Tonight I am working on the financials. What I need is people saying “What can I do to help?” and then actually helping. I would love to delegate some of this but I fear open revolt if I do.
~The Black Sage
Topics: Blog Technicals, Git'r Done, Pondering | No Comments »
