Archive for the ‘Who am I?’ Category

Homework Part 3?

Saturday, February 17th, 2018

So I have been asked to write my life mission…. And well… in BlackSage-eze… .the obituarty I want to have read over me at my funeral.

I am going to write this as if it's being said of my coffin…

Here lies Zack Wagner… he was a faithful husband, fathful father, faithful friend.  He is in the arms of Jesus now waiting for us to come and join him.  Knowing Zack, he has set the table and will have been cooking like crazy getting ready for us.  His wife passed recently as well, and I know they are in heaven together as we all knew their faith was strong.  He is survived by his 5 children, 40 grand children.  His children have taken over the legacy he has left behind.  BlackSage Arms LLC has been a solid provider for him and his children.  He will be burried next to his wife on their 180 acre ranch in the Hill Country of Texas.  The foundation that he and his wife started has put 120 kids through various Christian schools around the nation, focusing not only on tuition, but uniforms and making sure they have hot meals.  he was heavilt involved with their church and they have left a sizable donation.  In his will he has asked that he not be acknowledged by the church.  He will be missed.  We all knew, loved and respected him.

My Home Work Part 2

Saturday, February 17th, 2018

Ok… so… The part 2 in this is going to be me actually making the statement…

I believe that success is… 

Not having to work yourself to death, In a church home, deep in relationship with Christ, being respected by your peers, being in a financial position where you can be an outrageous giver and having enough funds to follow your passion.  All while sitting on your 180 acres of shooting and hunting grounds surrounded by people you love.

 

 

 

 

 

2018 is here and I’m tired.

Monday, February 12th, 2018

So,

 

It's 2018.  February 12th, 2018 to be exact.  I have arrived to work 10 minutes late.. My morning was spent trying to deny the fact that it was Monday and I yet again got lost in Facepage.  I jumped out of bed at 9:09AM, ran for the shower and out the door by 925AM.  Warmed up the truck and raced to work doing 80, to still arrive at 9:40AM.

Why am I rambling about my morning?

I came to the realization this weekend, that I am tired.  Deeply tired… like all I want to do is sit on the couch and vegitate, sit on the xbox and vegitate or sleep.  (granted all 3 things weith my wife around, because you know… I like her and all).  I'm not depressed.  I've been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and the bumper sticker is in the mail.  I know how that feels, how achy I get, how run down I get, how I can never seem to catch my breath… So I get and understand the feeling of depression.  This isn't it.  

After spending time with my Personal/Professional Development Coach, I was presented with some great ideas.  Some things that I can do to move my passions forward.  Later that day I had a great brain-ideasplosion about it.  Had some awesome ideas… had gumption… then I got near the couch… and that was that.  No church, no playing iwth the kids, no growth… just… sitting there passing the time.  Wasting what was a perfect opportunity to make things happen.  I even put off fixing the sink until my wife asked me to fix it.  Went to Home Depot, got the parts I needed, went to Walmart… ended up buying my wife a few gifts… and then.. went home.  Fixed the sink and then?  and then?  Plopped my big butt back on the couch and finished out the night there.  Went to bed and here I am.

See, I work a lot… at times, I feel like it's all I ever do.50+ hour weeks are normal… I have been working this way for at least 6 years, if not more.  I actually averaged 13 hours per week in overtime.  I have worked as many as 105 hours in a week and I cannot remember the last time I worked only 40.  I know it has happened, but I think it was when I took time off… No wait…  I always get called.  Interesting fact though… This was the first weekend in a few months where I was not called at least once.  So what did I do with all this free time?  Oh yeah, as I said before, I sat my big butt on the couch.

I want the tired to stop.  I am sitting at my desk… tired… wanting to take a nap… Anyone asks me how I am doing… I answer "tired".  My dad makes jokes about it.. but honestly, I just feel like I can't ever catch up on sleep.  Something has to change…

 

Huh…

Wednesday, February 25th, 2015

I went back and read some of my old posts… Holy crap…  I can really write well…  sometimes.  Not now… its 1:25am..  I should  be asleep…  Soo much on my mind.

Kick it’s ass man!

Tuesday, February 24th, 2015

So I have a confession to make…

I feel very combative today.  I would dare say that I feel downright belligerent.  I feel frustrated with the world, my job, my kids, the state of the union, and my career.  Wife and I are doing good.  As such, in writing this, I am also seeking God’s face in this because I want that walk to be solid. 

Also… I am realizing that I am just pissed off enough about people talking things to death… Shut the hell up and get off your butts and DO something about it.

Conservatism – The Sleeping Giant Part 1

Tuesday, April 8th, 2014

I typically don’t link to my blog from social media sources, but I feel pretty strongly about some things that twitter and facebook really don’t do a good job at letting me communicate my feelings well.  That being said: on to what’s on my mind.

 

For some time now, I have been watching things change in this country.  When I was growing up, you had the “common sense” liberals, the “common sense” conservatives and the ground in the middle all battling over what was and was not decent.   It was a little cleavage or leg here… maybe a see through top there… and God forbid someone actually cusses on television…  The whole world was in an uproar.  Somehow, from about 88-93.. yeah… within 5 years, that became normal and acceptable.  The homosexual community was relegated to San Francisco, New York, and other key pockets… They were not the norm, they were the novelty..  It was thought to be kind of intertaining to have a “gay friend” or a “gay relative”.  It wasn’t bad… you could say, “Not my thing, but whatever.”  And you were ok.  It seemed that they knew that what they were doing was wrong, but they didn’t care.  They felt like that’s just how they were and accept or don’t, they were who they chose to be. 

I wasn’t forced into sensitivity training for not agreeing with them, I wasn’t prosecuted for not paying attention to them.  I let them live, they let me live… no big deal.  It was toward the end of the Cold War and looking back, it seemed the country had bigger fish to fry.  We had to keep on our toes because the Russians seemed to have their hands in everything in direct opposition to what we did.  Our leadership was concerned with our place in the world and the protection of our people, our interests, and our borders. 

Then the wall came down and that started to change things in the world.  We watched on live TV as the protests Tiananmen Square took a serious turn.  We watched as Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait and our forces mobilized to protect our allies.  We learned a new term: “Shock and Awe” and as a collective, hung on every word a man named “Storm’n” Norman Schwarzkopf we could get.  We watched as we stomped across the desert and took Iraq within days.  Our military was unleashed to do what our military was built to do.   Then for some reason, we stopped just short of our goal.  We had an opportunity to finish the job right then and there and we hesitated.  For some of us, this left a hole in our collective psyche; That things were left unfinished.  We left this thorn to be dig into our sides and it did just that for years.

Soon after the first Iraqi war ended we were treated to a new Liberal.  This new liberal pandered to the disenfranchised and the ignorant youth of this country.  He was younger,, understood how the media worked and could even play the saxophone.  He was well versed, well-spoken and had a charismatic charm that could get any intern to drop their pants.  New technology was developing faster than we could adapt, there was more money than ever to go around and we bought stock in fake companies, and rode that dot-com bubble all the way to Y2K.  This new demographic of liberal… the pro-gay, politically correct, “you have to be tolerant” chatter hounds  had established a beach-head.  They started to become organized.  They had this newfangled internet thing that the current VP created (sarcasm) and could talk and chatter behind the scenes… they could pool their creative resources and gather their forces.  By targeting the youth back in the 90’s, the liberal agenda captured the demographic that is most technically savvy.  Mom and dad (at the time) knew how to use a computer… they plugged it in, hit a few keys and could make the VCR tell proper time… but for the most part, a computer to them was that thing their manager had to put their time in on or it was that stuff in the movies.  I remember the first time that my mother heard I was using this thing called the internet… and was talking to people in Sweden…  You would swear she was Dorothy seeing Oz for the first time. The concept boggled her mind.  I, being the kind of geek that I was, dove in head first to this new technology.   I have been in the IT industry for at least 20 years, watching all this.  

So as I was saying, I watched liberalism sweep my (Gen X) generation.  We were taught that “The Old Boy’s” club was evil, and that “The Man” was keeping my generation down.  I watched as we were attacked by peace loving Muslims, again and again, and our response being lobbing a few cruise missiles or drop a “smart” bomb or two.  We didn’t really show force other than killing a poor janitor or two in the middle of the night.  We were too busy rolling in the money we had by shifting our construction, manufacturing, and industry to other countries.   We had shifted most of that to China and Korea because labor was cheap.  We didn’t care.  We managed everything remotely and rolled in the money as a country.  Just as planned, my generation became the generation of excess.  We have too much time to play games, eat food, and philosophize.  We became a generation of whiners and consumers.  We no longer were a generation that produced anything.  Yeah we wrote the software that made the world go round.  We pumped up the internet.  We developed the web pages and the code that made people laugh and kept the nation distracted, but we sold our future to the Chinese because it was cheaper and easier than doing it ourselves.

We, as a country then had to face scandal.  We had to stare into the face of this media giant, who was beloved by my generation (Yes I was a liberal at the time too) and ask the question: “Did you in any way have sexual relations with that woman?”  We were floored by the scandal.  The media (who I felt still had some integrity left) latched onto this story and as the pieces fell on blue dresses, audio tapes and cigars… we got to understand a new process in our media… Infotainment.  The news, which was our life line to the truth, began to speculate.  They inserted “what ifs” as possible facts… and retooled the truth as they saw fit.  They re-branded the prosecutor in the case from a truth and justice seeker to the villain.  He, at least to the Gen-X-r’s that I was around, the bad guy… the Debbie downer…. The party killer.  He was after our beloved media giant.

Whoa…. Ok, I am going to call this part 1… and will write more later… maybe…  Honestly I have to go to the bathroom and can’t think straight.  More later. 

Protected: Frustrated.

Wednesday, June 19th, 2013

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The brand of “The Black Sage”

Thursday, April 18th, 2013

So, I have been talking to the wife about “changing the world”, I have asked in prayer about what I am supposed to be doing… I have again, just now asked the Lord what he wants me to do… I have had a feeling that something was coming.

Last week, I had a complete stranger end up with my business card. At first, when she called, I thought she was a recruiter.. Trying to get a summary of my skills for a job… As it turns out she was just a person in need of help.  I believe that God has made a divine appointment here.

So I help her by doing some data collection, and send some emails trying to assess her need, and state of her now defunct web-site.  It’s gone, all the info that she had in it is gone… It never went live because she said that it wasn’t in God’s timing.  So I give her all the information that I have and what I know…  The site’s dead, no backups were made..  Gone.

Fast forward to yesterday… My new friend calls me up to talk about options… so I offer to host the site, set up a blog for her to use and support her the best I can.  I am NO web developer.  I am NO coder.  I am just a guy with a hosting plan, server knowledge, and a base understanding of WordPress.  I lay it all out on the table for her… and she wants to go with me.  Heck, I’m free and I want her to be successful… I want this site to be successful… I am excited about this…

This could be how I help _directly_ change the world.. this could be how I _directly_ help others… this could be how I _directly_ spread the love of Christ to those who need it most.

So it got me back to thinking about “The Black Sage” brand.  Because I’m starting to realize that if you facebook, twitter, blog, email, communicate to the world as a name, and for me that is “The Black Sage” then you have a brand.  A bona fide  brand that you have to protect in some way.  You have to be consistent.  You have to project that to each media stream…

So then it comes down to this question:  Do I do this for His glory or mine?

That being said… I choose for His glory.  I choose to have an on-line presence that has scripture at it’s core.  I chose to have an on-line presence with Christ at the helm.

I make this declaration that Jesus is the Lord of my life.  I declare that my media streaming output will do it’s best to align with scripture.  If I fail at that, I declare to try and make it right if I am called on it.

So today I launch “The Black Sage” brand.  Today I do it for His glory, not mine.

 

~TAS